Author: Julie K. Nelson

I am a wife and mother of 5 children, with only one left at home to spoil. I write, speak, teach at Utah Valley University, cook, travel, and can sometimes be found folding laundry. My newest book "Keep It Real and Grab a Plunger: 25 tips for surviving parenthood" will be released March 2015 and my first book, "Parenting With Spiritual Power" can be found at local bookstores and online book sellers.

Empty Nesters Now

I said goodbye to my 5th, and last, child this fall. He left for college. Some parents find this a heart-wrenching time and cry for days with the covers pulled over their head.

I get it.

My mom said when my last sibling left home, she closed the door on the house and the “click” sounded like an echo chamber in a tomb—

hollow, claustrophobic, and terrifying.

It’s a huge life transition to change from a parent fulltime to a parent… hardly ever. I mean, of course I’m still a parent forever, but not hands-on, blood, sweat, and tears rolling down my face anymore. I won’t know if he’s eating or sleeping enough, washing behind his ears, turning in his homework, and being kind to people or not.

It’s funny that you’ve only become successful at the job of parenting when you’ve been fired from it. You want to eventually get “out” of the job, the same one you’ve immersed yourself in 24/7 for decades, to see that your young adult is adulting now. Even though we’d like them to be under our protective wings forever, that isn’t the way it’s supposed to be. They’re meant to grow up and make their own decisions; they’re meant to distance themselves from us to become capable, independent people who don’t need to call home to ask if Skippy or Jiff is the better peanut butter.

So here was my little boy, around 2 years old. He was my world.

And here he is on the day he headed off to college in his red car.

I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders when I shut the door. An invisible weight I hadn’t known was there for the past 33+ years. I’m not done parenting yet, but launching my last was a huge relief.

He’s a good person. He works hard. He serves others. He is responsible, just like his older siblings. There is no dossier about a parent who does the magnificent and improbable task: to raise an infant to adulthood in this wild, wild world. There needs to be more bands and parades. There needs to be confetti (or money) showering from the sky. There needs to be an Olympics Gold Medal for every parent who makes it this far.

Since he’s been gone, it’s been quiet around the house, for sure. The house stays clean. I can wake up and do whatever I want. My husband and I feel like we are back in the honeymoon years with just ourselves again (but with more money).

I highly recommend this stage to everyone.

My hat goes off to any parent who raises a responsible adult. I know just how hard it is and there are no guarantees that after all the good parenting, the child will grow up to be a good person. I guess the more accurate thing to say is my hat goes off to any parent who loves their child, and loves some more, who knows when to say “no,” and who never gives up.

Now…if you want to find me, I’ve gone to Disneyland.

Freedom!

Utah Marriage Commission blog post

I am on the board of the Utah Marriage Commission. It’s a privilege to work with academics, agency directors, educators, policymakers, and others who promote successful marriages. It’s under the director and appointment of Governor Gary Herbert. These are people who volunteer their time, talents, and energy to helping people like you and me have happy loving relationship with others. What better mission could I ask for?

I was asked to write an article for their blog and I’ll share a link to the results. Although it’s not about parenting, the purpose of my website, marriage is usually what brings about children (funny, that!). Children deserve two happily married people to raise them in a loving home. Even when their is one parent raising a child, that adult needs to foster healthy adult relationships with their intimate others.

Enjoy!

https://strongermarriage.org/relationship-help/f/what-you-water-grows?blogcategory=Marriage

What is a “good mom”?

I saw an intriguing and thought-provoking question the other day: “What is your definition of a ‘good mom'”?

Think about that for a minute.

Take a moment to jot down what you think are the essential qualities.

At the same time, please acknowledge that parents confuse this question with the daily self critique of “not being good enough.” Why is that? I believe that we are trying to measure up to an unrealistic ideal in parenting. Not being “good enough” in this sense really means “less-than-perfect” when perfection is the way this person feels worthy as a parent.

That is where we confuse and defeat ourselves. We shortchange our kids with what they really need: us. Flawed. Imperfect. Us.

If we are so busy tearing down our best efforts because they aren’t up to some imaginary measuring stick, that is wasted energy. How is it we accept flawed, imperfect attempts by our kids (and find them adorable, by the way), but we don’t afford ourselves the same appreciation.

Stop and review the list you wrote of the things that nourish and flourish little people into healthy adults. I doubt you had on your list, “Cook a homemade healthy meal every day.” “Never raise my voice.” “Have all laundry folded neatly and put away (with socks that found their mates) all the time.” No? Well why do we get discouraged when we don’t do these?

Here are some insightful “good mom” responses from real moms who answered this questions honestly and thoughtfully. There are 20 responses and you’ll see quite a few repeated ideas. I will bold repeats to scream, “Pay attention!” It’s surprising, really, how being good enough is quite simple.

As you read, please consider if you can do these things and how to do them as often as possible. If you concentrate on these, let go of the rest and just do your best.

Love your kids, apologize when you’re wrong, and do your best.
A mom who never gives up on being better.
Unconditional love, says sorry when necessary, teaches basic life skills like respect and kindness, the importance of good education but allowing natural consequences. And love some more.
The best mom for my kids is me, not because I am anything great, but because I love them and will continue trying to do better. Today my house is a mess, my kids haven’t bathed in days, we ate pancakes for dinner, and didn’t bother doing any school work. But we did cuddle under the duvet, laughed at movies, talked about the things we love, took care of our animals and generally enjoyed each other. Tomorrow I will clean the house and they will do some work. But tonight I will have a bubble bath and restart our journey together.
For me, I feel like I am being a good mom because I pack their lunches (mostly) as a tangible thing I do purely because I love them. But honestly, my kids are the ones teaching me how to be a good mom every day. Nobody has ever taught me to be a good mom other than my own children.
When your kids have a nightmare, do they come to you for comfort? Do they know they know they can come to you for anything without fear or judgement? If they can, then you are a good mom.
For me, I am a perfectionist. I tried so hard to be the perfect mom. I know the “gifts of imperfection” (Brene Brown) and I believe a good mom is actually imperfect, relatable, and tries to connect with an imperfect kid. I no longer even want to be perfect.
Some days I want to strive to be loving, compassionate, Donna Reed, Pinterest Mom. Other days, I strive to not be a Netflix, Documentary binge-watching Mom. It’s all about balance.
A mom who knows this job is crazy hard and keeps trying anyway. A mom that’s dependable, that shows kids love unconditionally, that gives them safety (emotionally, spiritually, and physically). A mom that motivates them, who is honest with them, and apologizes for her mistakes. One that is trying to prepare her kids for life all while growing with them herself. A mom that strives to teach them of their worth and of God’s love for them personally.
A mom whose kids know they are loved.
A mom who keeps trying. A mom who says she is sorry when she needs to. A mom who is not a doormat to her kids or anyone else. A mom who is teaching her kids how to operate in the world and she doesn’t want them being treated or treating other badly. She works to teach them to be decent by insisting they be decent to each other and to her. A mom who gives herself credit for what she’s doing right and knows where she needs to improve and is working on it.
Someone doing the best they can in the circumstances they’re in–knowing full well they are not perfect but they try, they love their children and do what’s best for them. Every bit of good we do for our family is good.
Do my kids know I love them? Yes they do. So I am a good mom.
Who loves her kids and tries.
Loves her children unconditionally, teaches them to be independent and have good self esteem, is a good example, teaches them that she is human and mistakes and owns up to them and apologizes.
Being present.
One who gives time. One who teaches. One who cries with her kids and doesn’t always give into all their demands but teaches instead of consequences. One who is true to herself and doesn’t try to be someone else. At the end of the day, giving and loving is what kids want most.
Someone who love her child and keeps trying even when she fails.
A mom who loves her children and herself (so important!) as Christ would. A mom who welcomes imperfection and never gives up.
Anyone who has had three or more hours of sleep.

I encourage you to add the bolded words to the list you made. When we boil all down this messy work of parenting, it comes down to these few things. “Welcomes imperfection” is one of my favorite phrases. What a GOOD thing to strive for each day.

Helping Children Achieve Their Goals

It’s a good time to visualize a better future. Having so many restrictions in our lives during the coronavirus stay-at-home quarantine helps us appreciate what we can do when we’re able to again.

For one, I can’t WAIT to go back to the fitness center and swim again. It’s a small wish, but oh, how I’ve missed doing it.

We were going to take our son our our traditional family “senior trip,” the one where we let our high school senior child dream, plan, and do with us. We’d been dreaming and planning on a trip to Iceland for the past year. We were supposed to be there this week. It would be our last senior trip with our last child.

Ya. That isn’t happening. Rather than seeing waterfalls and Blue Lagoon geothermal mineral spa, we’re visiting the family room, bathroom and, for some new scenery, the kitchen sink.

We’re not letting that get us down (not too much). As my friend said, our dreams right now are not cancelled, just postponed.

You might have heard of Dream Boards. Some call them “Vision Boards” because they help us envision, or tangibly see what we want. They can help us visualize goals. It would be a great activity to do as a family while stuck at home. Help our children see what are the possibilities of a post-coronavirus life. A dream depends on hope; a hope is a lifeline to a brighter tomorrow. What do you miss and want to see yourself doing again in the near future?

Here are some pictures I could post on my board:

Swimming.

Hugging people, shaking hands, and being close again.

Dressing up to go to a nice event (I’ve forgotten how to put on mascara).

Travel. Anywhere.

Eating at a restaurant.

Going to a sporting event and cheering loudly with thousands of others, all crammed together with reckless abandon.

Going back to a classroom with a real, live teacher who is being paid a billion dollars.

Attending church.

Buying food and supplies and finding them well stocked on shelves.

But what do we do beyond just staring at those pictures of the physically fit person we want to be or the vacation we want to take?

Here’s a interview I did on the Matt Townsend show on BYU radio. After the first interview (about 1 hour) I follow on the topic of on Doing Not Dreaming. Matt and I talk about helping our children achieve their goals.

Listen now. http://www.byuradio.org/episode/73c676d7-0f84-4985-a6cf-ff863abc763a/the-matt-townsend-show-doing-not-dreaming

10 tips to non-medicated sleep (and not counting sheep)

If anyone is not feeling stressed right now, please raise your hand.

I didn’t think so.

This COVID-19 pandemic, earthquakes, economic downturn, social isolation, being home 24/7, trying to educate stir-crazy kids, constantly sanitizing and cleaning every surface and anything that moves, (and the list goes on), is wrecking havoc on our health. Mental, physical, social, and emotional health is taking a nose dive.

Some of the common symptoms in this uncommon time are irritability, lack of motivation, fear, frustration, anger, hopelessness, and insomnia. Lack of sleep just exacerbates all the others. I’ve had insomnia off and on my whole life, thanks to genetics and an overactive mind. Every time I lay down my head on pillow and try to fall asleep, thoughts pour into my head like a flowing faucet. Literally a river of thoughts that won’t turn off. I’ve tried counting sheep, but that doesn’t work.

Once I took a vacation to Puerto Rico and did not sleep for 5 days. And that was on vacation when I should have been the most relaxed!

However, during this pandemic, I have slept incredibly well. That’s because I have learned how to fall asleep without drugs or counting sheep. On rare occasions, I’ve taken a Tylenol P.M. or Melatonin, and it’s been years since I’ve taken Ambien. I’m handling the current situation better because I get a full-night’s sleep. I know there are some who need to take sleep medication, but for those who want to explore other options, I’d like to share 10 tips with you. I start with the most obvious, small ideas and work up to the most powerful, big ones.

Number 10.

Eliminate any food and drink after 8:00 p.m. or earlier, if possible. No caffeinated drinks in the evening. Avoid drinking water right before bedtime so you don’t have to get up to go to the bathroom.

Number 9.

No naps. Keep a regular daily schedule as much as possible. Sleep, or circadian rhythms, is your body’s patterns of knowing day from night. If you take a nap longer than 30 minutes, you disrupt that pattern by going too deep into sleep during daytime hours. If you must take a power nap, make it 5-10 minutes.

Number 8.

Regular exercise. Even with the COVID-19, we are (especially ) encouraged to get outside, drink in some Vitamin D, and move our bodies. This is true All. The. Time. not just during a pandemic. With gyms closed for the time being, you’ll have to get creative and more determined. Every day I try to do some gardening, exercise on the stationary bike, or walk for 30 minutes around the neighborhood.

Number 7.

Do not take a device to bed with you or watch TV in the bedroom. If you have trouble like I do, it could be that you are inputting to much information for your brain to process. My mind is like 101 computer tabs open, holding me hostage. Use the few hours before bedtime to NOT watch a movie or scroll through social media, watch the news, or anything that would open another tab to deal with. There’s a lot of science that cautions us to not have the light from screens tricking our eyes to thinking it’s daytime.

Number 6.

Relax and stretch muscles. You can have a body massage if you’re lucky enough to have someone to do that for you every night. If not, I’d suggest taking a hot bath, a long hot shower, and stretching. Yes, that’s right, I said “stretching.” There are amazing benefits to stretching out our muscles. You may be doing this before or after a workout which is great! If you do it before bedtime, you’ll find that stretching out releases endorphins, a great “feel good” chemical to your brain. Static stretching increases activity in the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation. I can literally feel my body relaxing while I stretch. And when I wake up, I feel So. Good.

Number 5.

Meditation apps. This tip is becoming rather popular now, with the Mindfulness Movement. I love that we are using our powerful minds to harness energy and direct it for good. Another similar idea is to have white noise to help soothe the mind.

Number 4.

Insomnia is a by-product of anxiety for many people. Many people with anxiety and sleep disorders swear by weighted blankets. This may be the cure for you. Weighted blankets are filled with small objects like glass beads or metal pellets to make it heavy. The feeling of having something holding or hugging you close, like a blanket, is very calming. Research shows that weighted blankets are used in therapy known as “deep touch pressure stimulation” which aids in the production of sleep-help hormones.

Number 3.

Years ago, before cellphones, I was working full time in a very demanding job. My boss taught me a great trick to clear the mind at bedtime. She had a hand-held voice recorder with mini-cassette tapes inside. She kept it on her nightstand and when her faucet-thoughts started flowing, she reached for her recorder, and put those ideas on the tape. Once she could clear her mind by having something else keep her thoughts organized and safe, she could fall asleep. Today, we can use any app or “voice memo” or reminder on a cellphone. Some people prefer to get up and journal or write down their thoughts to have the paper remember it for them. Whatever you need, use it.

Number 2.

Deep breathing. This has been a game changer for me. It came out of guided meditation practices. I don’t normally go through guided meditation these days, but I do the breathing that is so essential to relaxation. Like stretching (#6), deep breathing stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and the supply of oxygen to your brain. Rather than counting sheep, I lay in bed and do the slow breathing in, counting 1-10, then hold, and release like slowing blowing through a straw, 1-5. Doing this helps me re-center, and focus on the breath. If my mind begins wandering, I bring it back to the breath. I don’t judge my wandering thoughts, or dwell on them, but gently guide them back with the breath. If you concentrate on this exercise, you will probably find, like me, that you have fallen asleep without even realizing it. It literally wears you out.

Drum roll….Number 1.

Make friends with insomnia. This is something I discovered on my own, but it’s backed up by research. I had been fighting my insomnia like it was an enemy I took to bed each night. I wrestled with it, coaxed it, bribed it, bargained with it, resented it, and felt powerless by it. Insomnia was like a living presence that had control of me. I decided that the energy it took to fight it and the resentment I felt because of it was part of the problem. I decided that I needed to take back control. So I made friends with it. I didn’t judge it or myself anymore. Quite a few nights, I just lay there, at peace. I was in state of total relaxation all night and I didn’t let that upset me. The goal wasn’t to “get to sleep” anymore. I just enjoyed resting. I enjoyed the quiet. I began thinking of my blessings. I filled my mind with gratitude, and for the chance to spend just laying there. I welcomed it. When I did that, it changed my life. No longer did I feel a victim to insomnia. I fact, I never acknowledge I had insomnia anymore. Instead, I have a chance to lay in bed filled with gratitude.

These are the secret tips of a lifetime of trial and error. I feel compelled today to share them in the hopes it might help someone else who struggles with sleep disorder. Life is hard enough without being tired of the fight to sleep. I wish you all the best in your quest for rest.

Good luck, and good night.

19 Favorite Covid-19 Memes

In honor of the novel coronavirus that is named “Covid-19”, I have collected 19 of my favorite memes that lighten things up at this serious time.

I once babysat some kids when their parents left on an oversees trip for 2 weeks. One of their instructions was to count off a certain number of squares of toilet paper for the kids (#1 and #2 had different amounts as I recall) when they used the toilet. My parents had never thought of such a thing in our house and I was quite dumbstruck by the practice of T.P. rationing. I’m not anymore.

2. This next one is all-too-true. I went to Costco one day and got there before it opened at 10:00 a.m. The store had opened early and I could see a line of shoppers with carts that wrapped around the side to the back of the building. Call me crazy, but I got in that line. It felt like the “Indiana Jones” ride at Disneyland without the ride at the end. People were a bit frantic and pushing their way in the store. I couldn’t believe it. All that, and there was no toilet paper or baby wipes! I then went to Winco and there wasn’t a line, but EVERY SINGLE shopping cart and red basket was being used inside the store. I couldn’t put my groceries in anything. There were 2 lines to the checkout stands, each wrapping around the sides of the store and ending in the back, by the dairy or fish counter. I stood in line for 45 minute with my little handful of items before I could pay for them.

I made some nice friends, standing in the line for so long. One guy offered to put my groceries in his cart so I didn’t have to hold them. He said he was looking for ways to be extra nice to people during this stressful time. He reminded me we all have a choice and hardship can bring out the best or the worst in us. I choose best. My neighbors have been texting each of us to see who needs anything from the store if they are going out. It’s so heart-warming to see how we take care of each other (with or without the WW II gas mask outfit)

3. Who’s with me on this? I can’t believe how often I touch my face. If I hear the words, “Don’t touch your face,” my nose immediately starts to itch.

4. I love Tom Hanks and the movies he makes. Some have compared him to a modern-day Jimmy Stewart. A class act and an every-day man. I find it not a coincidence that this ordinary man who played “Mr. Rogers” could get the Covid-19 virus. He is just like us: he bleeds like us and gets sick like us. I am truly sorry he and his wife are under quarantine. I wish them a full recovery.

5. Funny how his movies all tend to be about catastrophes while traveling.

6. Speaking of travel. Just don’t. This is a floating cesspool of germs. I don’t know how the cruiseline industry (or airline/hotel/restaurant/rental car, for that matter), will survive. This virus will have such long-reaching, economically devastating effects. I had to cancel a family trip to Iceland for spring break and my son, who was going to China this summer to teach English, will miss out on that opportunity too. This has changed everything. Which brings me to how I feel about everything with the next meme:

7. Earth is closed today. And every day for who-knows-how-long.

8. I’m not whining though. That meme reminds us how others have been through terrible times. We are not anywhere near that category. So what if I can’t find milk or T.P. on the store shelves? We are not starving. We are not in a war. Life is good.

9. Yes, this.

10. This one cracks me up. So do the next ones.

11. Bring Your Own Toilet Paper.

12. I totally watched “Scooby Doo” as a kid. It was the ultimate reveal at the end when it was discovered that “Old Man Withers” or some other nefarious person had masterminded the appearance of a ghost. Now we know the culprit is the T.P. industry. They are making a mint off this.

13. Or maybe it’s Dolores Umbridge who’s behind this. I wouldn’t put it past her. She was creepy mean in that movie.

14. Since I love “Harry Potter” so much I had to put this in here too.

15. And I also like “Jumanji” so this one made the list. It did feel a little like a cosmic trick being played on us. To add insult to injury, those of us living in Utah had an 5.7 earthquake during the quarantine. I’m just waiting for the rhinos to come stampeding through.

16. Such weirdness…it’s like all these random acts all spawned from an ADHD child’s imagination.

17. Speaking of kids, we are acting like them these days. We are having to learn the basics again of how to wash our hands? C’mon, people, this is what we should have been doing all along.

18. As a Utahan, this one was classic.

19. Hope you got a good laugh today. We all need it to help clear our minds and put things in perspective.

Here’s a bonus one just because it’s too good not to share.

Stay safe. Stay well.

Re-connect with those you love…

In groups smaller than 10

And at a social distance of 6 feet or more

And after you’ve washed your hands for 20 seconds…

Covid-19 Parenting 101

Looks like we’re all going to be home with our kids for a while.

Steady.

Let’s all sit down and take a deep breath.

This news may be more intimidating and stressful for parents who are used to sending their kids to school for others to teach, keep from fighting, and chase boredom away.

“Social distancing” is another catch phrase for “You can’t play with friends so you’re stuck with me.”

Now it’s our turn. It’s 24/7 Covid19 Parenting Time. Desperate times call for desperate measures. We’ve got to be as creative as an elementary school teacher, as entertaining as Nickelodeon, and enticing as a vending machine.

My cousin is a fabulous parent of four. She uses the outdoors to teach her kids a healthy respect for nature and books and other materials to teach them how to use their minds. She came up with this chart to schedule learning and keep everyone on track while they are out of public school. Notice how they helped.

Do you remember the daily schedule your 5th grade teacher had on the board? Rather than falling into boredom and brain atrophy, why not keep the daily schedule going at home? Kids may resist at first, but you never know. If you let them come up with a reasonable schedule and goals, it may just catch fire.

Plus, did you see the win-win? She has them up and doing chores first thing. Yay for this clever mom sneaking that in.

P.S. Her name is “Sara” and “Rob” is her husband. I want to give her props for including him on house duties so the kids see their dad pitching in as well.

Here’s another generic chart that you could start with. But personalize it to your family so they are all creating their own learning plan. Home school kids do this every day.

This schedule was also posted by a parent who took a more realistic approach to her “home school schedule”

Does that resemble yours? Or maybe, by default, your day will look more like this:

Being real is my thing (see book I wrote on home page). However, life shouldn’t unravel to the point that we give completely up. The little terrorist shouldn’t win. We are, after all, still in charge. Check your driver’s license and remind yourself who is the adult.

This time of quarantine may just be a wake-up call that we needed to have more structure to begin with. It’s hard to go from zero to hero in a matter of weeks.

Baby steps, people.

Start somewhere. Anywhere.

I suggest having a 1:1 ratio of media to learning if you need for younger kids. For every hour of school or subject study at home, children can to do either 1 hour of earned outdoor/physical play or 1 hour of “free” time (translate: media) or anything they want to do for fun like crafting, playing a board game or with toys. They have to alternate the physical play with media play.

I know, it’s going to be hard. T.P. may run out and you’ll have to start being creative.

Just remember that school and public events and gatherings are cancelled (what, no Disneyland?) but kindness is not cancelled. Family fun is not cancelled. Laughter and jokes are not cancelled. This may be a wake-up call and opportunity to give your child the one on one time with you that they’ve been missing.

“Childhood is Short; Maturity is Forever”

I’ve been studying research about children’s inability or difficulty in expressing their feelings. Part of this is developmental, the other part is experience and learning. In many cases, when a child is out of control (for no apparent reason), the best thing to do is to say, “I see you. This must be hard,” and wrap them up in your protective arms. They feel frightened, out of control, and need to feel safe again. They need emotional connection.

Just this week I was reminiscing about a daughter who had frequent melt downs as a toddler. I tried my best, but sometimes, I just let her be. I have a vivid memory of her sitting at the top of the stairs, bawling uncontrollably. What I wouldn’t do to go back in time, scoop her up in my arms, and rock her until she calmed down. I have this regret, and I will never get that moment back.

Childhood is short.

Being a parent ends quickly.

Eat Halloween candy together.

Take a son or daughter out of school to go on your own “field trip” to the park, a museum, or to a foreign country.

Run through summer sprinklers.

Wrap them up in your arms because too soon you’ll be letting go.

What is your mom superpower?

Being a mom or dad automatically endows you with superpowers. It’s like the hospital you enter and come out with a baby has turned into the X-Men School for Gifted People and you come out with extra powers as well.

I call it your Sixth Sense.

You need it to survive as a parent. Time is shredded into ribbons and nano seconds when you’re a parent and you need to get things done fast or more efficiently. You need to feed 4 people dinner on a dollar and grow eyes on the back of your head.

To substantiate this theory, I turn to real parents who spill the truth about their extrasensory perceptions. These are actual “superpowers” that moms all over the nation have claimed as their own:

Keeping kids clothes clean, which is a killer power especially with baby bibs and clothes with that get stained with puke and poop every day.

Always knowing exactly why a baby is crying: hungry/tired/gassy/poopy, and not just her own baby, but ANY baby!

Knowing something is about to grow mold in the refrigerator. Smelling it before it goes bad.

Impeccable timing at restaurants where she arrives to orders at the counter just before the crowd comes in.

Keeping a baby happy on a 10-hour flight. Now THAT’S a superpower we can all appreciate!

Knowing someone is pregnant before it’s announced, and being able to predict the due date within a week.

Always finding the best bargain. Like, it doesn’t exist unless it’s within budget.

Putting a fussy baby to sleep. Not just her own baby, but ANY baby. Best superpower ever!

Knowing it’s about the rain. “Kids come inside, it’s about to rain.” And then it does.

While breastfeeding, she can: go to the bathroom, successfully make and eat a turkey wrap, do the dishes, drive the car (don’t tell anyone that!), or sleep.

Never burns food but never sets a kitchen timer. She can always smell when something is ready to take out of the oven. Wow. I’m speechless on that one.

Picking ripe produce.

Going to the bathroom in 15 seconds flat.

Extracting a foreign object deeply embedded in a child’s nasal cavity.

Folding fitted sheets nice and flat like the flat sheets. That’s almost Wizard superpowers.

Reaching anything in the backseat from the front seat like Elastagirl.

Knowing direction after only having been there once before. Being able to navigate big cities and new places easily.

Push a double stroller through revolving doors, down narrow grocery isles, etc.

Being a bloodhound. If there’s an off smell in the house, she can find it. Anywhere!

Not feeling like retching when watching a child throw up.

Knowing the sex of kids before the ultrasound.

Having the supersonic hearing of Bat Girl or a Vampire. The most important is the picking up on sound of silence. Knowing the minute all is quiet, something is wrong in the house and the kids are up to mischief.

Getting the close parking spot.

Really good at eating any chocolate in the house.

Being able to make anything from just tasting it once.

Directing/supervising a toddler in the house while taking a shower.

Picking the exact size container for leftovers.

Can smell when people have cavities.

Can wake up at an exact time without an alarm, even when at different times.

Super good reflexes. Like catching a baby the minute they squirrel out of a grocery cart or high chair, or an egg that rolls off the counter, catching in midair. Pretty much elevated to Jedi powers, this one.

Making a full, nutritious meal out of nothing, just a few random items in the frig and pantry.

Staying sane when the house is falling apart all around her.

Really good at building IKEA furniture…and liking it! Just try this once and you’ll see that this is definitely a superpower.

Never being out of clean underwear for children.

Being a single mom. Every day that is a superpower.

Knowing the temperature of a child just by kissing their forehead.

Really good at sleeping. Amen, to that one.

Superhero Woman Supermom Cartoon character Vector illustration T-shirt design

What you water grows: Part 2

In my last post I shared a gardening/relationship 80/20 principle. In a marriage, this can be applied by following these steps for happiness:

A happy marriage is like committing to tending a garden.
Going out every day to tend it requires time and patience.
Every garden contains beauty but also weeds and pests. Marriage is the same.
Be proactive: pull out weeds when they’re small, fertilize, water, spray for pests.
Occasional neglect can usually be reversed, but it requires more effort than if it had been consistent.
Prolonged neglect will lead to the plant’s demise.
Hard work is extremely gratifying.
If tended, the results are beautiful and ongoing.
Look for the beauty and you’ll find it everywhere. Dig deeper and you’ll find pests.
Happy people do not succumb to little things. They step back and focus on the 80% of beauty to gain a better perspective rather than nit-picking at the thorns (20%).

It’s the same thing for parenting. You can easily find negativity and crassness about raising kids. I don’t want to water those weeds.

Today, I’d like to add another voice from a facebook post by Tiffani Harker. She shares 10 uplifting thoughts about the joys and positive perspectives of parenting. With her permission, here it is:

We have 6 kids (19, almost 18, almost 16, 9, 7, and 5) so we’re still in the thick of raising kids, but through the years, I’ve learned to relax, and not to sweat the small stuff. Our almost 16 year old was born with Spina Bifida, and I’ll tell you right now that boy has taught our family more about love and perseverance than I ever knew was possible. He made me a better mother, and the lessons I’ve learned along the way have shaped the woman that I am. To you mamas, I’d love to tell you:

1. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay! I know some days feel totally overwhelming and exhausting, and you often feel like you’re messing up. Mama, you’re doing so much better than you think you are. A bad day does not a bad mother make! You are the absolute world to your children, and I promise you they don’t see you in any other way than the best mom in the world. Take a time out for yourself when you need it, and tell that negative voice in your head to shut it. Those thoughts don’t come from above, so don’t you dwell on them. You’ve got this!

2. Your babies are going to be just fine. You will always worry about them, I don’t think that goes away. But you’re doing your best and you want what’s best for them, and because of that, your babies are in the very best hands.

3. Let them fall and fail occasionally so they can learn and grow. Be there to catch them when they fall or when they mess up. Don’t fix their mistakes for them, no matter how tempting. Love them and listen to them, support them and correct them when it needs to happen. Pray, and pray some more, and know that they’re going to get through it.

4. Set your expectations high, but keep them realistic. Kids will rise to the occasion and are so much more capable than they’re given credit for. They are smart and resilient, and their hearts are literally pure. Show them the way, and help them course correct when they need it.

5. Grades are important, but they aren’t everything! Encourage and require them to do their best, but more important than anything, teach them how to treat others well. All the A’s, scholarships, top notch college degrees, and high powered jobs don’t mean a dang thing if they don’t know how to love people. I would rather know my children are kind and caring human beings than them being millionaires.

6. Teenagers aren’t as scary as you think! I was terrified of having teens, but oh my word what a lovely surprise it has been! They’re so fun to talk to, have their own opinions, and holy cats they are funny! I think the secret to raising teens is to listen, listen, listen! Listen more than you speak. They just need you to be there. They will ask you their questions, as they know they can trust you, then you will have the opportunity to really share your thoughts with them. Don’t be afraid to be silly with them, and heck…take every opportunity to embarrass them a little. (Within reason, of course) Sing and dance in the living room with their friends, and open your home to all the loud and sometimes smelly teenage boys. Love those kiddos and be a safe landing place for them. You’ll never regret it!

7. Just love your babes. The dishes, laundry, and cleaning will always be there, but babies don’t keep.

8. You will mess up. It’s okay! Apologize to your children when you need to, and move forward. Do not beat yourself up! Find support, whether it’s another mom friend, your own mom, or a group like this. You’re not alone and you don’t have to go through this journey all on your own.

9. If you need to eat some chocolate to get through the day, eat the dang chocolate, girl!!!

10. Remember who those babies belong to, and go to Him for guidance. He will lead you if you let Him.

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A Spoonful of Parenting

adding a little zest to being a parent