Being a mom or dad automatically endows you with superpowers. It’s like the hospital you enter and come out with a baby has turned into the X-Men School for Gifted People and you come out with extra powers as well.
I call it your Sixth Sense.
You need it to survive as a parent. Time is shredded into ribbons and nano seconds when you’re a parent and you need to get things done fast or more efficiently. You need to feed 4 people dinner on a dollar and grow eyes on the back of your head.
To substantiate this theory, I turn to real parents who spill the truth about their extrasensory perceptions. These are actual “superpowers” that moms all over the nation have claimed as their own:
Keeping kids clothes clean, which is a killer power especially with baby bibs and clothes with that get stained with puke and poop every day.
Always knowing exactly why a baby is crying: hungry/tired/gassy/poopy, and not just her own baby, but ANY baby!
Knowing something is about to grow mold in the refrigerator. Smelling it before it goes bad.
Impeccable timing at restaurants where she arrives to orders at the counter just before the crowd comes in.
Keeping a baby happy on a 10-hour flight. Now THAT’S a superpower we can all appreciate!
Knowing someone is pregnant before it’s announced, and being able to predict the due date within a week.
Always finding the best bargain. Like, it doesn’t exist unless it’s within budget.
Putting a fussy baby to sleep. Not just her own baby, but ANY baby. Best superpower ever!
Knowing it’s about the rain. “Kids come inside, it’s about to rain.” And then it does.
While breastfeeding, she can: go to the bathroom, successfully make and eat a turkey wrap, do the dishes, drive the car (don’t tell anyone that!), or sleep.
Never burns food but never sets a kitchen timer. She can always smell when something is ready to take out of the oven. Wow. I’m speechless on that one.
Picking ripe produce.
Going to the bathroom in 15 seconds flat.
Extracting a foreign object deeply embedded in a child’s nasal cavity.
Folding fitted sheets nice and flat like the flat sheets. That’s almost Wizard superpowers.
Reaching anything in the backseat from the front seat like Elastagirl.
Knowing direction after only having been there once before. Being able to navigate big cities and new places easily.
Push a double stroller through revolving doors, down narrow grocery isles, etc.
Being a bloodhound. If there’s an off smell in the house, she can find it. Anywhere!
Not feeling like retching when watching a child throw up.
Knowing the sex of kids before the ultrasound.
Having the supersonic hearing of Bat Girl or a Vampire. The most important is the picking up on sound of silence. Knowing the minute all is quiet, something is wrong in the house and the kids are up to mischief.
Getting the close parking spot.
Really good at eating any chocolate in the house.
Being able to make anything from just tasting it once.
Directing/supervising a toddler in the house while taking a shower.
Picking the exact size container for leftovers.
Can smell when people have cavities.
Can wake up at an exact time without an alarm, even when at different times.
Super good reflexes. Like catching a baby the minute they squirrel out of a grocery cart or high chair, or an egg that rolls off the counter, catching in midair. Pretty much elevated to Jedi powers, this one.
Making a full, nutritious meal out of nothing, just a few random items in the frig and pantry.
Staying sane when the house is falling apart all around her.
Really good at building IKEA furniture…and liking it! Just try this once and you’ll see that this is definitely a superpower.
Never being out of clean underwear for children.
Being a single mom. Every day that is a superpower.
Knowing the temperature of a child just by kissing their forehead.
Really good at sleeping. Amen, to that one.