Now that I am in the Empty Nester phase of my life, I have come to realize how much we are just compelled to reinvent ourselves and our relationships with others throughout our lives. There’s no way we can stay in one place, or in one position with another person. I am moving toward change every day, growning and learning, and so are those around me.

That’s easier to grasp when you know your two year old will soon become a five year old. Or a 10-year old will be a teenager one day. We prepare for it.

But who or what prepares us for being a parent of adults, who become parents themselves? We nestle in our arms the children whose parents we once nestled. There’s no way to prepare ourselves for that reality. I understand now the truth that if we do parenting right, we are working our way out of a job. In other words, as much as we love being a parent to our children, those children will one day not be living in our homes and in our lives. We are officially “unemployed.” We love, care and pray for, and teach them 24/7 for 18+ years so they will be adults one day, and good adults, if we’re lucky. We are no longer needed in the job of parenting our kids because they aren’t kids anymore. They are off on their own, and want/need to be left alone for the most part.

That’s why we have to learn how to step back gracefully, and fulfill a new role in their lives. No one gives us a guidebook or training for that position. One thing I am learning, as painful as it is, is that our wealth of knowledge, our lifetime of experience, our amazing perspectives…are generally not wanted.

They want to do it on their own. Like a toddler determined to rise up, walk a few wobby steps, fall down, and get back up again. Only this time it’s with real life things and experimenting on our precious grandchildren!

Thankfully, all my daughters, sons and in-law spouses are all amazing people who are raising amazing families. They are figuring out things on their own and on their timetable. I’d love to give them more advice now and then, but I’ve learned the “WAIT” principle. When I am with my adult children and their spouses and start spilling the Wisdom of the Ages, I need to ask myself, “Why Am I Talking?” Just: WAIT. Be quiet. Think my own thoughts, as golden as they are. Adult children generally don’t want us to interject our opinions or a life lesson. Unsolicited advice is like a salesman at the door that you don’t want what he’s selling. Consider each adult child with an invisible, “No Soliciting” sign hanging around their neck.

Here are the the things to do while you “WAIT.”

Smile.

Say, “I know you’ll figure it out. I have confidence in you.”

Say, “If you need any help, you know I’ll always be there for you.”

If you can’t help yourself, soften advice with: “You could take this under consideration.” or “Please take this with a grain of salt.” or “This may not work for you but an idea could be…”

Remember that you also didn’t know much in your younger years. In fact, our adult children are probably doing a lot better than we were at their age, considering all the stuff they are dealing with that we didn’t have to.

Like technology.

24/7 news reporting.

Economic stressors.

And aging parents who will likely be living into their 90’s, puttering around and muttering to themselves, “When I was younger, I had to…(fill in the blank).”

So learn these lessons well. We’ll be using them for decades to come.